Separate but together. Happy 1st marriage anniversary!

Hello my dear readers!

How are you ? Cuz…I am dead tired to be honest 😂 But even when I am tired I still have some moments in my life that bring me joy. Meeting my husband is one of these moments. Before I tell you the story of our first face to face meeting let me tell you about today.

Today reminded me pretty much about that day one year ago with the exception I was running late for my work, the SL app stopped working and then my SL ticket vanished but at last I made it. Indeed I felt for a moment like I am cursed and started wishing for a better wedding anniversary next year because what if it starts becoming a tradition, me having constantly issues with traffic and technology on that day. But then I thought that I am quite lucky. The bus driver let me in so I could go to Globen, later the metro stuff let me through the gates so I could take the train to Skanstull where I had been working these past two days. Then luckily Clarion Sign Hotel had free internet so I could ask for help and so I called the SL customer service and luckily even though I reinstall the SL app they could find my ticket and activate it again. Even when my life leads me to the feeling of hopelessness I gather the courage to believe that God will never leave a person in need and so it send me all this angels.

Our wedding day ❤ 2021.08.25

And then we come to my hubby and our marriage…marriage anniversary. I wish this day could be celebrated in the most colorful way but I suppose we are meant to work hard first and then enjoy the fruits of our labour. We celebrate separately but still together. I came to a conlusion that we should celebrate each day we are together rather just some specific days. Being married is a celebration itself is what I feel. I think I am learning some important things about long lasting commitment. I am not sure if I would see it the same way if we had lived together at once but that’s how I see it today.

I still remember that day, the day I held Ahads hand for the first time. It was very warm, soft but on the same time strong. It felt as if he couldn’t believe that I actually am there holding his hand. The plane landed in early morning. It was still very dark outside. But we still could see our faces and well, we gave each other awkward looks because we talked about kissing on the airport but with all people around looking at my white face it just felt too much overwhelming. So I just sat inside the car holding Ahads hand, we kept laughing and hugging. Probably at 2/3 of the way back to his home I kissed him. I just felt the tension was too much. I cannot handle nervous people 🤣. He was so much tired and lost somewhere in his thoughts he did not understand what he was doing nor what’s happening. We arrived at his home by 4 or 5 AM. All family members greeted me. They were super excited I guess. I was so tired I just changed my dress and went to sleep with Fatima in her room. I did not even have the strength to talk much. I fell asleep very quickly but probably did not managed to sleep more than 5-6 hours that day. When I wake up Ahad was feeling a little better and wasn’t so awkward with me anymore. It felt like I am seeing a small kid getting a christmas gift. He was just too much excited and overwhelmed by me being there. And as today is our anniversary, I really really miss him. But probably we will need to wait for some time to meet up again. I truly hope to celebrate one of our birthdays together this year or next year. I will work really hard for it to come true. So hold thumbs for me.

Happy Wedding anniversary to us ! Cheers!

See you soon with a new post my dear brothers and sisters !

When daytime has 19 hours …

19 hours…? Yes, my day these few days consist of being on the move for 19 hours and sleeping 5 hours a day. I am working at the schools in Täby area, that is about 2 hours away from Nynäshamn where I live.

What happened? Life happened and me entering into the year I will be 28, that’s two years before me entering into another decennium. There is a saying wine tastes better after it ages, but I feel like I am becoming more rigid and less emotional, yet there is still a part of me that is innocent, curious and wants to enjoy life. But with 19 hours on the move I am not sure how far I will go. You know even candles burn out the longer they are in use, and I don’t wanna my fire to burn out. I am Agni, the sun. My existence is like the brightest of lights in the darkest of places.

Photo by solod_sha on

And so I’ve been thinking a lot. Like a lot, a lot, a lot. How do I reward myself for this struggle? In one of the courses at Kristianstad University I’ve been studying about regenerative work. So I’ve been thinking how to payback my body for lack of sleep and lack of time. I think I am gonna go on a retreat in March. A date for myself with myself. To charge batteries and to just listen to my mind, my heart, my body and my soul. People will call me weird. Ask me why I am not taking any friend along. But I am totally fine with it. Because I always felt it was odd, I was having more fun while being alone than having people around. All this having nice clothes to impress, having money to not feel bad, be wise to not be misjudged…it always weight so heavy. But why do it when there is no purpose to dwell into it? I am me, and I love me, thus I am taking me out on a date. But until that time I am gonna work my ass off. Tommorow 7.40, starts the class, so it’s my time to sleep but before I do, let me ask you…

What have you done for yourself that you haven’t done for others? And have you ever gone on a date with yourself ? What was the feeling? Where did you go?


Love & hugs

Agni, the burning sun ☀️


I’m longing…

We took a big step forward, knowing it would not be easy. And I am missing you so badly and do not know for how much longer. Our bond is deep and my feelings are increasing for each day that passes by.

They say that a well established relationship is one where people live together for at least 2 years. But in my eyes it does not matter how many years or even months you live together. Many people do not know each other well even at the time they get married after being together for 4 years.

Photo by Ellie Burgin on

To me true love is not something like Cupid shooting you with his arrow and you are head over heels. That’s more like passion. And passion subsides. So to me a well established relationship is one where both people engage in it, communicate and try to find solutions together. It’s not about being physically there, but more about being there with your spirit and an emotional attached.

That’s why, I am longing to be with my Ahad. Because if we can keep going while we are separate then I don’t wanna think what kind of great things we can do once we live together… nothing less than that. It’s been 13 months since we are together and I feel blessed. I wish the sun will be on our side and we will be physically together again. Because I want to create with you and have you by my side when times will be tough. It’s always easier when two minds are trying to find a solution together.

Have a pleasant Thursday !