I don’t think that I am the only one having this issue. A choice between trusting and not doing it, to me is the most difficult of all. All due to the fact (and I need to be honest here) I cannot handle betrayals well. It’s like I’m sucked into a hole of pessimism. And having a rebuild self-esteem cannot help it. Because its not about feeling less important in some way, its about reliability. In relationships reliability is everything. Lack of it is the main reason people stop trusting each other.
Let’s forget romantic relationship. Trust needs to be found between a parent and a child, between the siblings, teachers and students. Just imagine we all wear a blind fold. We don’t know where we are headed but we trust the person holding our hand that it knows and will keep us safe. When it’s not happening and moreover we get to know things or experience thing which we never were prepared for causing us damage that’s when we really start battling with our thoughts. Sometimes leaving people that put us in disastrous situations no matter how we used to love them all due to the fact we all yearn for stability. Especially those that carry childhood traumas inside of them can be affected really badly having issues with socializing and making friends.
We want so badly to trust someone but we know that our safety is at stake. The decision is a difficult one to make because we can lose so much when we trust the wrong people. What I’ve noticed myself these few days is that reliability is very important to me. If someone decides to help me and then vanishes or makes excuses it hurts me a lot especially when I’ve looked up to them as seniors or thought of them as of my elder siblings. It automatically put me in a state of withdrawal and I don’t feel like ever suggesting anything or asking for their help. It just hurts too much. That feeling is so uncomfortable. And how to not become antisocial when people let you down with the simplest of things ?