Why I’ve started blogging?

Hello my dear friends! Hope you are all alright. I woke up with a sore throat. A gift I got from my youngest son but well. It’s a part of motherhood. I am not sure if I ever told you why I have started blogging and why I do it on regular basis. But I think today is a good idea to tell you as I will do something in a while that I should have done long time ago since there is no hope.

Many of my posts are based on true events from my life. Some others are published with the thought to share knowledge. I didn’t really know what to write about before I’ve actually chosen a name for my blog. At first it was a way of letting go of past traumas but the longer I kept writing I wanted to learn things so I could share with the world. To me knowledge is more precious than diamonds or gold and I feel that everyone deserves to know what I know. Unfortunately, not everyone shares the same point of view as me and wants to control how I express myself and what I should publish and what not. I will not allow for it. I did not get a choice to be born or not. But I will choose how I want to live my life. I’ve said if before and I will say it again. I never mean to harm anyone but I cannot stand still forever and just let others do whatever they want without looking first at themselves and really thinking about their behaviour.

I know I am not a saint, okay. This is not about showing how much better I am than others. It’s more about protecting my values and principles. That is the real reason why I’ve started Shades of me. To show people who I am, that I have a voice as well, that I go through hardships and moments of glory. If you ever asked some old classmate of mine : ” Who is Agnieszka Ratajczak ?”, they would probably say I am just a girl from their class that used to be silent and was good at drawing. Because I’ve built a shell over the years where I would not allow many people in. A survival instinct of some sort. My heart has always been soft and I couldn’t stay angry too long thus people thought they could hurt me and come back into my life whenever they wish but I am putting an end to this. I do not only do it for myself but for my children as well because they deserve to have a better life than I had. I am not sure though if I will succeed but I will do my best. Because doing your best with a pure heart that does not ask for anything back is what I see as a genuine action. And being a mother should be about being genuine. Our actions are not always reasonable but as long as we don’t put force in our decision-making our kids will be greatful one day. Unfortunetely, a parent that interferes too much with their childrens life’s and judges them for every small mistake and choices thy make will never get gratitute and let’s be honest, would such parent ever be satisfied with anything a child does?

I know that my blog has been quite depressing whenever I share events from my personal life but please see it in another one. After darkness comes the light. I wish I could be a star on the dark canvas of a sky at night for many of you. And I will work on this every single day.

Thank you for reading!

Endings

Endings are usually sad. It does not matter if its between co-workers, school mates, lovers or parents and their children. And today is an ending like this yet there is something we all forget. Everything in life is in motion and so are the endings. Endings mean that we have ended a chapter in our life but it also means that we can move forward, upgraded and create that kind of beginnings we have always wished for the minutes after a finished project, a separation or someones death. The important part is that we are still here. We can still thrive, inspire. move forward using our past experiences to enhance our future, the future of our friends, neighbours and children.

And to me that kind of ending took place today but even, days,months or years ago. The fascinating thing about endings is that we did not actually got an ending. We had definitely experienced setbacks but we are still in the initiation phase of our new beginning. Today as the course Challenge-driven Innovation with Design Thinking is over I have gathered so many insights after so many reflections on various types of subjects. Today I know things which I did not know yesterday and I know that life is like a huge kinder surprise egg. You never know what you get. All you know is that you either repeat getting the same kind of experieces or get a completely new experience you’ve never imagined you could get like ever in your life. The important thing is to evaulate everything, to add meanings, to reflect, question our actions and how these are connected to the final results and how could we do differently, is something is missing ?

But the question I find most important one should ask themselves is :

Do I like the outcome of it and how it shaped me as a colleague, parent, individual?

If not how do I change these things ? How do I make my new beginnings more fulfilling? Had I really given myself a chance to be the brand new me ?

See you tommorow with a new post !