Mercury retrograde twists your life? Mine too.

Good morning my dear readers!

Friday. Finally !

I don’t think I could be more happy than this. To be honest I am extremely tired and I do feel sick. I’ve been struggling with both fever, throat pain and cough since two weeks. When it feels like its over, it comes back. But that’s not what mercury retrograde is. Mercury is about communication, siblings, electronics, engined vehicles and everything that can go wrong with it. For some of you Mercury will stand for other things. After all we do not have the same kind of birth charts.

For me dear readers the hellish effects of Mercury retrograde just started and I believe it will not stop until 2nd of October. So first of all I fight with many people since weeks back. I’ve had even misunderstandings with my classmates. It’s like we don’t speak a similar language. Then yesterday I’ve got a call from the support team in my company because some child accused me of abuse. I will never set my foot again in Alby or the schools in the near area. Not only children are ungrateful, they don’t listen, spit on each other and call each other names but they try to overpower you, run outside in the middle of the class and well… I feel like I was at a military camp, not a school.

To make things worse I’ve just sent a reference person list before yesterday to a new employer. And I mentioned my current job to them. I wonder if I will get the new job now…after someone has painted by name in all kinds of dark shades. Hopefully, this event will not have that impact because I feel so over being teacher for kids who do not want to learn. I have a lot of patience. I don’t even hit my own kids and some strangers child will accuse me of this and that…. It makes me really sad and disappointed with this world.

Next week I will be all alone with my kids too and SL already announced that the trains will not run for some time as per schedule so I will need to take a bus with them every morning. Wonder how that goes…?

This weekend will be about cleaning first of all. I may be going out soon to buy some food in ICA. Even the weather is not nice today. But well… wish me luck 🙏. I realy feel so exhausted by all this.

Wishing you a better weekend than mine ! See ya!

Father’s love

Not experienced, yet dreamed

father’s love unfulfilled .

Emptiness echoing from the core of one’s heart.

A jar filled with hopes and wishes spilled,

difficult to put it back in one piece.

Once you’ve reached your limits of yearning,

what stays forever is a sense of mourning.

Pessimistic thoughts every morning,

being set on warning alarming.

For the times which could be beautiful,

instead painful one’s depriving you from the will to strive

for better tommorow,

for the revival of love

between the father and his child.

Thinking of the unfulfilled dreams playing up in my mind,

I smile.

What a great feeling it would be,

if my fathers love for me hadn’t died.

Close mindeness and his big pride,

too late to guide one’s set of direction in life.

Despite the disappointments,

making a find,

once the darkness becomes overshadowed by the light.

Divine father’s love,

feeding my human hungry heart.

Equality in the world of prejudice

Hello to you my dear readers! This Friday morning could have been better but as there are clouds outside of my window and a fog in my mind right now I do feel kind of sad. I’ve wanted to create a space where people could find answers to their problems but today I must solve mine own.

Yesterday when I was on my way back home after work I’ve opened my phone and I’ve got a notification. I was too much wasted to open it right away so I’ve waited until I reached home. I still had to pick up my kids from preschool. Once I got home and did all the rutines of feeding my kids a dinner and helping them to wash up and so on, I lay down on the bed while talking to Ahad and checked the notification I’ve got on Kirva. I was truly devastated when I saw that half of the rent money was not paid. I fast checked my bank account bill and my half was sent in on time.

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on

I never suspected that my ex would put me in this situation. After all he is the one with money ALWAYS, while I am the loser that need to take things on installment to get by. But this time it seems he got overconfident and misjudged his financial situation. Nevertheless, the problem is that the bill is on me and I am seem to live in a world filled with prejudice and no equality. While I have all the qualification due to my studies and my wide working experience, my ex has no education and plenty of references because he put his career always above kids (and me while we were still together). The question is, why do I need to be treated like a disease just because I have kids while he climbs the ladder because he sacrifice his children along the way ?Why?!

Right now I need to work in kindergarden, do the job I hate so much. I don’t hate it because of the kids but more because of the boredom and unjust treatment I have to experience. Sitting long hours outside, walking in circles as if I was an eagle and no one even tries to remember my name correctly. They make either their own version of my name or just call me “temp” which is way too disrespectful. On top top of that Austin got some allergy reaction and I need to book appointment at the doctor because he could have pollen allergy or the same disease as my mother has which is freaking me out. If I knew that my kids would suffer because of my DNA I would never give birth to any of them.

Nevertheless, today I need to figure out a way to make a living in a way in which I can develop as a person and still earn good. This part is quite a hard part when people do not believe in your qualifications because you became a mom early in life or because you are bigger than average people. There seems to be so much prejudice everywhere. Why do we fight for equality when people already made their judgement even before seeing anyone work ?

My friends, I wish you an awesome weekend! And do not worry too much, my writing may be affected by my emotions right now but I am the moon in the darkness, I will always find my way to become a sun once again.

See you !