“Your boat is sinking…”is what she said

My plan is to do some work while I try to finish my Bachelor degree. Thus, I don’t want any meddling and surprises“.

Your boat is sinking. One wrong decision and you will drown. ” she answered.

Good evening!

Few days ago I’ve told my husband Ahad that I feel a big tsunami coming towards me. Guess what…

I was RIGHT !

Who wouldn’t like to be right about something? I guess me. It’s all because I am mostly right about the bad things that could happen to me.

Okay, I will not exaggerate. The worst hasn’t happen to me yet but I assure you. It’s pretty much coming my way and it’s quite scary. But this is life. Life does not always go in a positive direction. I am here to learn about life. Life is tough, it has always been. And I’ve always tried to be brave and strong, heading forward. My steps are small at times, but better being slow than stand and not do anything.

Saturn return is approaching my way so I expect the events of next summer make a big uncomfortable twist in my life but I assure you it’s just a beginning. But I really wish my family would be more supporting. I’ve just made a statement to my mother that my numerology number is 33 like Jesus, I will keep carrying the cross on my shoulders, even when people hit me from all sides and feed me vinegar.

🤔 I should make it the next topic… “Numerology – Master Numbers” 🤣🤣🤣

But apropo the introduction of today’s post. My ex has this great idea to move but for that he wants to involve my mother. Since he would need to pay double rent for 3 months, he thought of taking loan from her. I have problems breathing whenever I hear people talk bullshit like this. I want a clean finish. No more entanglement. But I know this people will not let me live in peace. I’ve already made a plan that I will work and finish my Bachelor degree and then try for a better job. I have what it takes to be an entrepreneur too. But as you know it requires time, plenty of patience and hard work. It’s not something that can be done overnight.

A sinking boat is not what I am afraid of. I’ve been there before many times. It’s just about willpower to get up again. Getting up get’s to be more difficult with extra weight but not impossible as long as we try and do our training.

Thank you & see you next time with the post about Master Numbers 11, 22 and 33 !

Photo by Griffin Wooldridge on Pexels.com

The ability to trust in an “artificial” society

I don’t think that I am the only one having this issue. A choice between trusting and not doing it, to me is the most difficult of all. All due to the fact (and I need to be honest here) I cannot handle betrayals well. It’s like I’m sucked into a hole of pessimism. And having a rebuild self-esteem cannot help it. Because its not about feeling less important in some way, its about reliability. In relationships reliability is everything. Lack of it is the main reason people stop trusting each other.

Let’s forget romantic relationship. Trust needs to be found between a parent and a child, between the siblings, teachers and students. Just imagine we all wear a blind fold. We don’t know where we are headed but we trust the person holding our hand that it knows and will keep us safe. When it’s not happening and moreover we get to know things or experience thing which we never were prepared for causing us damage that’s when we really start battling with our thoughts. Sometimes leaving people that put us in disastrous situations no matter how we used to love them all due to the fact we all yearn for stability. Especially those that carry childhood traumas inside of them can be affected really badly having issues with socializing and making friends.

We want so badly to trust someone but we know that our safety is at stake. The decision is a difficult one to make because we can lose so much when we trust the wrong people. What I’ve noticed myself these few days is that reliability is very important to me. If someone decides to help me and then vanishes or makes excuses it hurts me a lot especially when I’ve looked up to them as seniors or thought of them as of my elder siblings. It automatically put me in a state of withdrawal and I don’t feel like ever suggesting anything or asking for their help. It just hurts too much. That feeling is so uncomfortable. And how to not become antisocial when people let you down with the simplest of things ?

Disappointment shatters us to pieces. It takes time to trust and feel safe again.