Being a mother … being a daughter

Good afternoon! Welcome to Shades of me !

Since it’s Mother’s Day, I’ve been reflecting a lot about me as a mother versus me as a daughter. The only thing that comes into my mind is that neither of the roles are easy. Being a mother means I need to be selfless, even if I disagree on many things I need to remind myself that I deserve to be my own person and so does my children. Of course I could easily manipulate kids into doing things which I see right for myself rather than them but that would mean I am not deserving of being called their mom. When I look at myself as the daughter that always was obedient, I really get sad when looking at the outcome.

I do not have issues with overindulgence when it comes to drugs or alcohol. I do not smoke even cigarettes. I am not a party girl. I do not leave my children with strangers to enjoy my life. I study, work, try my best to manage the household, going to doctor appointments with kids. Yet, in the eyes of my mother I am always not good enough. I am getting criticised, abandoned. I am being put in a sack with people that are thousands times worse. Is it a crime to love people despite their differences ? Is it a crime that I don’t spit on gays and lesbians? Is it a crime that I am tolerant ? Is it a crime that I have my own set of principles? Is it a crime that I don’t teach my children to hate others?

I am a wonderful human being and so are my kids. My youngest is the smartest kid I ever got to meet. He wasn’t even two years old and he knew the names of dinosaurs and pets, birds and sea creatures. And my eldest is the most sensible person I’ve ever got to meet. He is truly caring and innovative. He is not scared of being different. While other boys play only with guns, dinosaurs or cars, my boy does not mind playing with ponny and dolls. While his dad can make fun of him at times, I encourage him to play the way he likes because no one has the rights to choose what is better for you. If any of my children said that they don’t feel like being boys or that they have feelings for boys nothing would change my love for them. They are still my children despite all.

Unfortunately, I cannot count on the same. My grandmom called me today asking me to wish my mom a great day but I cannot. Not after she gave back all the gifts and cards I ever gave her for Mother’s day. To me it’s like saying that I am a marionette. Do what I say then you will be my daughter, don’t do and you lose the right to call me your mother – kind of thing.

But I’m not. If I can love her despite all irresponsible things she had ever done. She should too love us the same way. And I will not do any bargains on this.

Thank you for reading & wishing you a wonderful Mother’s Day!

Maturity of the planets and events connected to them

Hello! 😋

It’s been a while since I wrote anything on the topic of astrology but well… you even stagnate while learning sometimes. In the recent month’s I’ve taken more interest in Varshphal. That is yearly horoscope or differently called solar return. And so I dig a little and found out that every planet has an maturity age and by the end when they reach maturity some events connected to these planets will take place. But before I jump into analysis of my birth chart let me tell you when each planet matures.

Jupiter matures at the age of 16. It is believed that at that time humans have already created a set of principles and a belief system which they follow through out life. As Jupiter represents wisdom as in education , husband for a girl and children as well as religion and travel, some events connected to the significance of Jupiter will take place between the age of 15 and 16.

Sun matures at the age of 21. As it stands for authority, recognition and career between 20 and 21 we should be able to choose our career path. We could get our first job or be rewarded for something we did. As Sun stands for father too, something related to your father could take place.

Moon matures by the age of 24. By that time one should have gained mental stability and show signs of a mature mind. Moon stands for mind, home, mother, family, nourishment thus something connected to these should take place. Maybe you will purchase your first apartment? For that you will need to check planet placement in your birth chart.

Venus matures at the age of 25. Between 24 and 25 we could meet our partner or we could have a lesson about love and relationships. By that time we should be mature enough to lead a one to one relationship.

Mars matures at the age of 28, which means that between the age of 27 and 28 you will take action towards something or the opposite, you may lose courage, depending on house placement and planets surrounding mars. By the age of 28 we should have grown enough to understand how we can control our anger and how to use the energy for our benefit.

Mercury matures at the age of 32. As it’s a planet of communication and business by that time something related to our communication like planning , organising , leadership may take place but does not have to. It could be related to writing as Mercury ruled Gemini represents hands or something analytical as Mercury is ruling the sign of Virgo as well. If you are a scientist, it could mean that you will reach a new level when it comes to your career or you could get a reward or a degree . As with the other planets, placement such as house, planets sitting around Mercury and lord placement of that house should be checked for getting a clear idea about the event that will take place between 31 and 32. As Mercury stands for siblings too, something related to your younger siblings could take place.

Saturn matures at the age of 36. As it’s about responsibility and duty in our life, an event that will will happen by the age of 35 and 36 will require greater maturity and the willingness to serve our karma. By that time we will be aware of our duties and responsibilities towards others.

Rahu matures at the age of 42. By that time Rahu loses its strength and a person is able to let go of their illusions and become aware of the fact that money is not all the happiness in the world.

Ketu matures at the age of 48. By the age of 47 and 48 one should know their spiritual path and come to a realisation that clinging into people or things does not serve any purpose. It could be a time when one gets detached from the world.

So finally 😂 let me tell you what happened to me. And you can practice using my birth chart.

Between age of 15 and 16, I’ve decided to study textile design in high school and I’ve got an award for my achievements at school.

Between age of 20 and 21, many things happened. I had to grow up and master the courage to save my relationship and so my kids dad came to Sweden and we moved to another place. I’ve also decided that I want to pursue a career where I can be creative and give service.

Between the age of 23 and 24, I’ve pursued higher education at university. I’ve also became a mother during that time and had to learn to handle the pressure of home and school and all the criticism that I’ve gotten from my classmates for having children.

Between the age of 24 and 25, it’s said in 2018/2019, I’ve gone through a transformation and I’ve got a few lessons connected to marriage and relationships. I’ve started also to gain more knowledge about astrology. For me that was a big boom 💥. I felt like I was floating in the air. Everything I knew felt so unrealistic. I’ve decided to divorce during that time as well and I made it before my 26th birthday.

Between 27 and 28 I’ve actually remarried. Why? Karma is a bitch 😅 and I guess divorcees with kids are hot. Mars is in 7th house and 7th lord is in 7th house too. Mercury which also resides in in 7th house stands for contracts/written agreements and so I did nikah at the court.

I am 28 right now + 3 months 😂 . And I am super excited for what Mercury will give me at 32. But as Mercury is in 7th house I hope next step will be business, not a divorce. I am not so sure though when it comes to the events connected to Saturn at 36. At 42, I suspect my mother will get sick or I will have a big argument with my husband. At 48 I suspect Ketu will either give me a good position at work or will make me away from everything that has to do with materiality. There could be something related to death too.

Wow! It’s been so refreshing sharing something new with you. Soon I’m gonna start my own channel on YouTube where you will be able to discover yourself a new together with me 🌟.

See you soon !

Xoxo

Do not marry, if you feel insecure about yourself !

Hello gals and guys!

I woke up with big sadness this morning but if only that. I actually have this fear that makes me anxious. And maybe reading the title you think it’s about me but nah… I’m not the insecure one. I’m the anxious one.

No matter how hard I try to be away from people that do not do me any well, somehow I attract them even more. “Nice” , right?

I’ve married two men, both were full of confidence while in the process of pursuing me. So yeah I believed them and married them. But when this crap called “ insecurity” crawl out from their side I do not feel safe. Not the first time and not the 2nd time either.

Marriage is not about asking for more time. When you marry someone it’s not only you anymore. You fuckin gave a promise to take care of each other for the rest of your lives and that means you cannot go “pasta”! You need to become steel because you actually married a life, a life that believed every word of yours! If you are going to indulge in self-pity why trap a person that knows what it wants? Does that person look like a decorative piece? Am I supposed to give more value to the man by just being stuck with him in the same place for years ?! It’s action now baby or the movie will have a sad ending.

Do not marry, if you feel insecure about yourself! You do not only destroy for yourself to actually marry the right way and have a happy marriage but also you take this opportunity from the person you married because you stubbornly said that you were “ready” for marriage.

Being ready for marriage is not asking for more time to proof yourself! You made the person to marry you because she thought you were great and she believed that you could do even more great once you are bond together! But that means pressing forward, not going backward in development.

To ask your wife for more time feels just pathetic. You wouldn’t know but she probably is more depressed than ever hearing you pitying yourself. She thought you were her hero but to see you becoming an infant in front of her makes her decision to marry you feel like a failure.

Let me tell this to you all who are in this kind of situations where the partner turns to be having issues with self-esteem and self pity . You do not own them anything! Don’t stay just because you don’t want them to feel sad. Sooner or later this relationship will turn toxic. You can support the person on their way but they should do their job ! Their job is to believe in their capabilities and to use them to provide for themselves and then for the person they plan to marry!

When you marry there is no space for crying and asking for more time but if you need it let the person go, don’t trap them because maybe you will never feel like “the right opportunity “ ever comes. Should I die unfulfilled because of your insecurities? Even if I ever become a cripple, I will cry but once I am done I will stand up with my spirit and fight for my happiness like never before !

Thank you for reading ! God Bless you all !