Good Wednesday afternoon!
Day began with tears, just like it ended up the night before. My worries are not as scary in reality as they are in my head. Having PMS since the day I’ve started being sexually active has been tough. I’ve never taken any medication nor any procaution. I simply did not know what PMS is until after my kids were born. Even knowing I still did not go to doctor. I thought I could manage by myself but the issue is getting worse and worse for every freakin period I get.
Having more and more feelings for my long distance marriage partner is not of a big help either and the distance causes me a lot of emotional turmoil during the days I am pretty low. Just imagine your libido was at the peak the night before and when you wake up all confidence and happiness turns into moodiness or depression. I think I’ve cried 2 liters of tears since last night. And although I’ve tried to change the mood by working out, cooking, baking… I still feel like I am sitting on a bomb.
I honestly cannot wait to see Ahad again. Although things are not so easy I think I will need to break my rules sooner or later, maybe January? Not sure, everything depends on state of my wallet. Nevertheless, I will do my best. But first of all the PMS Bi-atch… I’ve got to get rid of her.
I’m actually thinking of visiting a doctor soon. I feel like my anxiety is getting out of controll these days. My current solution – eating what I like, is not going to work in the future. Exercise does not give the right amount of healing that I need. Peace could fix the issue for a moment or two but there is no way with two active children at home…only hope – my next period in 14 days. At times like this I really miss being preggo… When other women cry, I feel the calmest.
Killin that PMS Bi-atch…. will I ever succeed?
Happy Easter to you all! How are you celebrating these special few days ?
I must say that this year for me is much different than in the past years. First of all my kids are not at home, secondly instead of baking and cooking I am cleaning after the renovation I’ve done at home. There won’t be any fancy dinners or going over to family this year.
Honestly, I don’t have any energy for it. The renovation takes a lot of strength, time and money. Nevertheless, I am happy with the results. The place looks stunning, like never before. But I don’t mind doing it next year or maybe even at Christmas, now that I fixed the table and am about to purchase some extra chairs. To be honest I’ve always dreamed about a beautiful home and whole family coming together and celebrating. I’ve got this dream since I was at my step-brothers cousins place. I’ve felt the magic at some point.
But anyways, I am not going to take a lot of time here. I am actually pretty exhausted and sleepy these days and so it’s time for me to wipe clean the floors that I’ve planned these last two days. I am off.
See ya soon!
Good Tuesday to you all my dear readers! It’s been a while by the way. So many things happened and so many more are yet to come. So where do I start?
Hmm… . Since two weeks I’ve been moving things, throwing things, repairing things, putting up wallpaper and painting walls. Yet, I am not fully done. Things has been slow, my kids were sick for a long time and only two days ago I’ve really started working properly at my own pace. I’ve been probably much more outside than in the last year, especially going to shops. Damn… I don’t remember when it was that I’ve felt my legs trembling last time. And I need to admit, it was a while since I’ve been feeling so hungry like in the last few days. But this is not all that I feel. I’ve been feeling worried as well. Not sure why but could be that I am experiencing a tiny separation anxiety. It’s the first time that I am without my kids for five weeks. I dreamed about silence but now that I got it, it feels like something is missing… and come to make a woman happy xD. Impossible.
So how will I use the time I’ve got?
Cleaning. Laundry. Moving things. At least until 18th April. Then I will work for few days and I’m gonna take a break to gather energy. Just chill and enjoy the fruits of my labour. Maybe I will go out to meet a friend or take a short trip. It depends on so many variables. But whatever I do I will update you.
In conclusion, my first weeks of being a 28 years old do not belong to the easiest but on the same time I feel more connected to myself, I know what I want and head forward. And I must admit that cleaning is something I do without a bad feeling these days. I’ve started to actually like it. I guess I am getting old and yet I still feel so young and just want to learn things and experience the world. And I hope that I will be able to do that with my children. I am missing them a lot.
Until next time!
Love & Peace,