Good Sunday to you all !
I am feeling quite blue today I must admit. I have a lot of projects and a lot of other matters making me restless. Today is even the 18th birthday of my younger cousin and nothing is wrong with that. I wish her a good life ahead. But the adults in the family dissappoint me deeply. That’s why I feel very depressed by that. On one side you could say they made a good initiative to make birthday party for her but on the other side having a collective of people that in other circumstances would eat each other alive feels very unstable and gross.
I am aware of the fact that someone in my family will read this soon and a cloud of criticism will be above my head but to me this is wrong. You usually become what you attract. Having someone that likes to gossping, someone that likes to criticize without a valid reason and someone that is abusing alcohol in the same room is what I call a total dysfunction and I don’t want to be a part of it. Thus, I am taking a step back. I don’t wanna be involved in any events where no one can feel safe. And you can never be sure about alcohol. It can turn you into a totally brainless person if you don’t have control over the use and your emotions.
I don’t have any bad intention behind this post. I am simply tired and ashamed in a sense. I know I am better than this and for me to be the person I want to be I have to headstrong and say “No” to such behaviour.
That’s all for me.
Thank you & see you soon with a new post !
Hello my dear readers!
Today I am going to take upon me a topic that is very close to my heart because no matter how much I try to run away from it, somehow it always finds me and I have to deal with it. Many people do not know but a child does not need to be abused to feel abused. Children have strong cognitive memory. They can remember scents, taste and fragments of events. Once experienced, will always be remembered.
Now think you are that child but grown up and fred yourself from the abusive environment. You grow up either too much scared to take action when you see unjustice or you have a very strong feeling for bringing justice as if its your duty. Nevertheless, I do always feel uncomfortable when people fight and even a loud discussion seems to me like someone is abusing their power.
You dream about having a family of your own. You do your best just so you can experience the family bliss which you never had as a kid. But you end up facing your enemy once again. And you can either let the abuse continue or counter attack, both ways are stupid to be honest but until you realize it, months or years will pass. The answer is very easy: You don’t discuss with people that do not want to be understood nor want to understand you. You just cut the bond and let them pounder in the stupidity themselves because let’s be honest. If they were loving from the start, they would keep being loving after you had given them all.
Why am I even getting into this topic? Because I experienced a very uncomfortable situation today. I wasn’t a part of it, more like a passerby on the other side of the phone but it made me so uncomfortable I wish I could fly all the way there to resolve the issue once and for all. What makes me most uncomfortable is that a small child had to listen to this all. Children should not be a witness to such events. As a parent you have do protect the kids the best you can. Even siblings should protect their younger siblings from this kind of abusive behaviour as I’ve been a witness of today.
I am not really sure what God wants to tell me but I don’t like abusive people, the more greedy ones and those that try to tell you that what’s bad is good when you know that bad can never become good.
My life is a big battle between good and bad…making me to believe that I would be better off alone, far away from the mess of this world but I know deep down that I am needed and so I will prevail the constant feeling of hopelessness.