Equality in the world of prejudice

Hello to you my dear readers! This Friday morning could have been better but as there are clouds outside of my window and a fog in my mind right now I do feel kind of sad. I’ve wanted to create a space where people could find answers to their problems but today I must solve mine own.

Yesterday when I was on my way back home after work I’ve opened my phone and I’ve got a notification. I was too much wasted to open it right away so I’ve waited until I reached home. I still had to pick up my kids from preschool. Once I got home and did all the rutines of feeding my kids a dinner and helping them to wash up and so on, I lay down on the bed while talking to Ahad and checked the notification I’ve got on Kirva. I was truly devastated when I saw that half of the rent money was not paid. I fast checked my bank account bill and my half was sent in on time.

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

I never suspected that my ex would put me in this situation. After all he is the one with money ALWAYS, while I am the loser that need to take things on installment to get by. But this time it seems he got overconfident and misjudged his financial situation. Nevertheless, the problem is that the bill is on me and I am seem to live in a world filled with prejudice and no equality. While I have all the qualification due to my studies and my wide working experience, my ex has no education and plenty of references because he put his career always above kids (and me while we were still together). The question is, why do I need to be treated like a disease just because I have kids while he climbs the ladder because he sacrifice his children along the way ?Why?!

Right now I need to work in kindergarden, do the job I hate so much. I don’t hate it because of the kids but more because of the boredom and unjust treatment I have to experience. Sitting long hours outside, walking in circles as if I was an eagle and no one even tries to remember my name correctly. They make either their own version of my name or just call me “temp” which is way too disrespectful. On top top of that Austin got some allergy reaction and I need to book appointment at the doctor because he could have pollen allergy or the same disease as my mother has which is freaking me out. If I knew that my kids would suffer because of my DNA I would never give birth to any of them.

Nevertheless, today I need to figure out a way to make a living in a way in which I can develop as a person and still earn good. This part is quite a hard part when people do not believe in your qualifications because you became a mom early in life or because you are bigger than average people. There seems to be so much prejudice everywhere. Why do we fight for equality when people already made their judgement even before seeing anyone work ?

My friends, I wish you an awesome weekend! And do not worry too much, my writing may be affected by my emotions right now but I am the moon in the darkness, I will always find my way to become a sun once again.

See you !

Maturity of the planets and events connected to them

Hello! 😋

It’s been a while since I wrote anything on the topic of astrology but well… you even stagnate while learning sometimes. In the recent month’s I’ve taken more interest in Varshphal. That is yearly horoscope or differently called solar return. And so I dig a little and found out that every planet has an maturity age and by the end when they reach maturity some events connected to these planets will take place. But before I jump into analysis of my birth chart let me tell you when each planet matures.

Jupiter matures at the age of 16. It is believed that at that time humans have already created a set of principles and a belief system which they follow through out life. As Jupiter represents wisdom as in education , husband for a girl and children as well as religion and travel, some events connected to the significance of Jupiter will take place between the age of 15 and 16.

Sun matures at the age of 21. As it stands for authority, recognition and career between 20 and 21 we should be able to choose our career path. We could get our first job or be rewarded for something we did. As Sun stands for father too, something related to your father could take place.

Moon matures by the age of 24. By that time one should have gained mental stability and show signs of a mature mind. Moon stands for mind, home, mother, family, nourishment thus something connected to these should take place. Maybe you will purchase your first apartment? For that you will need to check planet placement in your birth chart.

Venus matures at the age of 25. Between 24 and 25 we could meet our partner or we could have a lesson about love and relationships. By that time we should be mature enough to lead a one to one relationship.

Mars matures at the age of 28, which means that between the age of 27 and 28 you will take action towards something or the opposite, you may lose courage, depending on house placement and planets surrounding mars. By the age of 28 we should have grown enough to understand how we can control our anger and how to use the energy for our benefit.

Mercury matures at the age of 32. As it’s a planet of communication and business by that time something related to our communication like planning , organising , leadership may take place but does not have to. It could be related to writing as Mercury ruled Gemini represents hands or something analytical as Mercury is ruling the sign of Virgo as well. If you are a scientist, it could mean that you will reach a new level when it comes to your career or you could get a reward or a degree . As with the other planets, placement such as house, planets sitting around Mercury and lord placement of that house should be checked for getting a clear idea about the event that will take place between 31 and 32. As Mercury stands for siblings too, something related to your younger siblings could take place.

Saturn matures at the age of 36. As it’s about responsibility and duty in our life, an event that will will happen by the age of 35 and 36 will require greater maturity and the willingness to serve our karma. By that time we will be aware of our duties and responsibilities towards others.

Rahu matures at the age of 42. By that time Rahu loses its strength and a person is able to let go of their illusions and become aware of the fact that money is not all the happiness in the world.

Ketu matures at the age of 48. By the age of 47 and 48 one should know their spiritual path and come to a realisation that clinging into people or things does not serve any purpose. It could be a time when one gets detached from the world.

So finally 😂 let me tell you what happened to me. And you can practice using my birth chart.

Between age of 15 and 16, I’ve decided to study textile design in high school and I’ve got an award for my achievements at school.

Between age of 20 and 21, many things happened. I had to grow up and master the courage to save my relationship and so my kids dad came to Sweden and we moved to another place. I’ve also decided that I want to pursue a career where I can be creative and give service.

Between the age of 23 and 24, I’ve pursued higher education at university. I’ve also became a mother during that time and had to learn to handle the pressure of home and school and all the criticism that I’ve gotten from my classmates for having children.

Between the age of 24 and 25, it’s said in 2018/2019, I’ve gone through a transformation and I’ve got a few lessons connected to marriage and relationships. I’ve started also to gain more knowledge about astrology. For me that was a big boom 💥. I felt like I was floating in the air. Everything I knew felt so unrealistic. I’ve decided to divorce during that time as well and I made it before my 26th birthday.

Between 27 and 28 I’ve actually remarried. Why? Karma is a bitch 😅 and I guess divorcees with kids are hot. Mars is in 7th house and 7th lord is in 7th house too. Mercury which also resides in in 7th house stands for contracts/written agreements and so I did nikah at the court.

I am 28 right now + 3 months 😂 . And I am super excited for what Mercury will give me at 32. But as Mercury is in 7th house I hope next step will be business, not a divorce. I am not so sure though when it comes to the events connected to Saturn at 36. At 42, I suspect my mother will get sick or I will have a big argument with my husband. At 48 I suspect Ketu will either give me a good position at work or will make me away from everything that has to do with materiality. There could be something related to death too.

Wow! It’s been so refreshing sharing something new with you. Soon I’m gonna start my own channel on YouTube where you will be able to discover yourself a new together with me 🌟.

See you soon !

Xoxo

Do not marry, if you feel insecure about yourself !

Hello gals and guys!

I woke up with big sadness this morning but if only that. I actually have this fear that makes me anxious. And maybe reading the title you think it’s about me but nah… I’m not the insecure one. I’m the anxious one.

No matter how hard I try to be away from people that do not do me any well, somehow I attract them even more. “Nice” , right?

I’ve married two men, both were full of confidence while in the process of pursuing me. So yeah I believed them and married them. But when this crap called “ insecurity” crawl out from their side I do not feel safe. Not the first time and not the 2nd time either.

Marriage is not about asking for more time. When you marry someone it’s not only you anymore. You fuckin gave a promise to take care of each other for the rest of your lives and that means you cannot go “pasta”! You need to become steel because you actually married a life, a life that believed every word of yours! If you are going to indulge in self-pity why trap a person that knows what it wants? Does that person look like a decorative piece? Am I supposed to give more value to the man by just being stuck with him in the same place for years ?! It’s action now baby or the movie will have a sad ending.

Do not marry, if you feel insecure about yourself! You do not only destroy for yourself to actually marry the right way and have a happy marriage but also you take this opportunity from the person you married because you stubbornly said that you were “ready” for marriage.

Being ready for marriage is not asking for more time to proof yourself! You made the person to marry you because she thought you were great and she believed that you could do even more great once you are bond together! But that means pressing forward, not going backward in development.

To ask your wife for more time feels just pathetic. You wouldn’t know but she probably is more depressed than ever hearing you pitying yourself. She thought you were her hero but to see you becoming an infant in front of her makes her decision to marry you feel like a failure.

Let me tell this to you all who are in this kind of situations where the partner turns to be having issues with self-esteem and self pity . You do not own them anything! Don’t stay just because you don’t want them to feel sad. Sooner or later this relationship will turn toxic. You can support the person on their way but they should do their job ! Their job is to believe in their capabilities and to use them to provide for themselves and then for the person they plan to marry!

When you marry there is no space for crying and asking for more time but if you need it let the person go, don’t trap them because maybe you will never feel like “the right opportunity “ ever comes. Should I die unfulfilled because of your insecurities? Even if I ever become a cripple, I will cry but once I am done I will stand up with my spirit and fight for my happiness like never before !

Thank you for reading ! God Bless you all !

Like a thorn

Hello! How are you ? Myself , I do feel bloated and ready to puke but not because of overreating but rather because of disappointment. My mother was here. Of course she came with an agenda undercover. Her criticism does not have an end. Her ignorance as well. But to turn into a complete child, I did not suspect it coming forward, yet it happened. She showed her tongue to Ahad saying I don’t wanna see “that thing”.

Then she said she will come on tuesday for photos because its my Aarons birthday and that my childs dad does not need to be here, she just needs the photos. Wanna be a show off huh…. . And so it could not end at this. When she starts feeling like she got all controll over people there are not breaks. She must snook around and find faults. I’ve never seen more dissatisfied person in my whole life. And there are so many thoughts running. What does she think gives her a right to criticize me ? She should check her own household, its not clean at all.

I’ve painted, put on wallpaper, clean the floors and cabinets. I threw so many things, most of it was her crap. Yet, she still wants me to be more than I am even though I’ve never asked her to revaluate my efforts. Whatever I did was for my children, not her.

And so I came to a conclusion after thinking things over, I will protect my child with all I got. I will not let anyone to use my son to create any illusions. Because my mother is not the good person she used to be. She is selfish, wicked, manipulative and egocentric. Whatever good she has done was for her own benefit. So that people will see how great of a person she is but in reality she is still a small girl asking for attention. Well… she choose a wrong way to receive. She borrows money from every corner to live a life she does not have money for. It started with me as a teenager. She took all I had. Now it does not matter if its my siblings, strangers or my ex-husband. She barely pays anything back to anyone, yet still acts lika a fucking diva. When will this stop? Does anyone of you know? When does your parent act their age? As for me, I am gonna block her number again. Not sure who gave it her but I don’t need her. Who needs a mother that taunts you? Who?! Not me. And my kids will not lose anything having a grandmom that will only make them feel guilty over who they truly are, half Nepalese- half Polish , living in Sweden.

I think I am pretty well now… My horoscope said that there will be a fight so be it. But I cannot lie to myself. I will never have a truly caring mother. She died while bathing in money that wasn’t hers.

See you until next time !

Photo by Hunter Harmon on Pexels.com

Time to return to reality

Hello my dear readers!

Since two weeks I’ve been in Pakistan with my husband and his family. As always beginnings tend to be better than the endings. I somehow grew out of the need to receive love from all people and prefer spending time with my husband as much as possible. Nevertheless, it has not been easy. I like my husbands family and don’t want them to feel sad or upset but on the same time being surrounded by all of them makes me tired. I came to a realization during my trip that only seeing my husband through a phone screen for months and then when we meet in real life not being able to be more intimate than in the bedroom is leaving me dissatisfied with my marriage. I came to Pakistan for him and whatever I did was for him. Not for his family to like me or tag me with titles. I know I’m genius and I know I am beautiful and a gem to have. I know all of these. A low self-esteem is the last thing I have right now. And so I’ve never asked to receive any praise and more so did never think of using my skills to be above others. I simply learn and invest in myself and so I have a set of responsibilities which I conduct in my household, school or working place.

I came back to Sweden yesterday and it could not end with my husband telling me how others were talking about me and the things I do. But if they only realised that to me doing house chores is easier than sitting with them. I used to have symptoms of social phobia when I was younger and I am actually feeling uncomfortable in groups of more than five people. It’s draining to be part of the discussion and all this comparison game that comes with it. When my husbands family has a feeling of pride because they can use my skills and will for a better future to boost their egos I feel that most of these people and the people that actually get jealous over it are idiots. I don’t mind giving them some books to read if they want to obtain same level of intelligence as me but unfortunately the drive to do it must come from within. If they never want to progress on their own I do not understand what’s all this fuss about. Nevertheless, I’ve already spoke my mind to Ahads family and I will not socialize with any of his family members next time. It may have worked for the couples in Pakistan but to me a relationship is a one to one thing and we should use every opportunity we get while meeting in person to spend with each other and experience new things together.

In conclusion, I do feel that I did not meet my goals with my trip. Nevertheless, I am happy that I got the opportunity to talk my mind and Ahad actually made place for that and his siblings listened. But the actual outcome is to be seen. You know how it is with people right? They forget the arrangements and always put a pinch of their own wants and needs. But I’m gonna fight it all. Because I do deserve to end this life in a happy mode. Until next time ! Thank you for reading! ❤️