Adventurous weekend in between responsibilities

Hello my dear readers !

Today I am all between tense to excited because I am so close to do my attempt no. 2 at media technology. Tommorow night is the deadline and I still did not do the analysis nor the conclusion or even wrote down the website evaluation but well the night is still young 😅 . Let’s cut to the chase… I devoted the weekend to my children, my beautiful and sometimes naughty gems. Last week, I have promised them to take them to the playground in Handen as they were really eager to explore new places but it was dark so I picked them up early this friday to fulfill the promise as I know how promises are important for trust between the child and parent.

They had super fun and I have promised them to take them to more places once my finances are stable. I will never be a man but I will do my best being a good mom.

Today my plan was to just study after making breakfast for the boys but instead I’ve decided to take out the alphabet memory since Aaron is letter inclined these days. Austin joined the game and in the beginning it was tough since the kids wouldn’t follow the rules of the game and even change the cards place. We probably played for around 1 hour and then repeated the words

We ended the day with letters as well, with the difference that those letters ended in our bellies 😅…

Ah… and even I got inspired and a little romantic in the process and my husband earned himself a romantic gesture from my side 🥰.

But well… time to work on thesis again 🤪… Hold thumbs for me… Media technology is a hard cookie.

Thank you for reading & wishing you a pleasant weekend !

Everything happens for a reason

Hello everybody !

Its almost thursday 12th of January. As I mentioned in the previous post I had to take kids for a meeting. I think it went okay. Although Aaron was very scared and asked me to follow him inside and so I went. I tried my best to just listen, sometimes I explained what Aaron meant as he spoke very silently. I am not sure what the outcome will be as I opened about my childhood but well… let’s hope that God will protect my babies and that we will be able to live together without any issues. I believe that everything is happening for a reason. Nevertheless, I felt like crap today. On one side I have a mother that is a controll freak and then I have a father that let his insecurities take over and installed in me forever a certain feeling of loss and sadness. In other words, I had to tell the story of how my father tried to hang himself when I was 6-7 years old because my mother cheated him and asked for divorce. Probably, I will tell them more but when they asked what kind of help I need I did not have an answer. They think I am new at this or that I cannot take care of my kids. But the truth is I had to prioritize myself last year so that we could finally go separate ways with Prajwol. And as I promised myself I did it, I finished my bachelors degree in tourism studies. I am supposed to have a meeting alone with them on 13th Friday unless they cancel. I think I will need to take my big folder with all my degrees, grades and recommendation letters. Everything that can show that I am not a weakling and that I am the person that I potray myself to be. Not an easy task… but nothing seems to be easy in my life. Another few pair of stairs to climb but don’t be sad for me. My day actually ended up well. I have two beautiful kids sleeping in my room. And I got selected for an interview in the city where I reside. The job is not 100% what I want to do but I know that the more experience I gain the better. So maybe this summer I will be a Destination Gotland crew member. They said in the adverstisement that they may hire part time during autumn and winter season as well and that would be awesome as I really would love to move to Märsta and work in the airport instead but for that I need 6 months salary statement. If not there, then Gothenburg or Malmö.

But before anything … I have a Mars period ahead and then finally Rahu period. You can ignore the dates. Its going to happen sooner. I am predicting that Mars period will shoot me already by the end of this month and Rahu period by the end of February and last until end of April. Jupiter will start giving its fruits in May and end 1st week of July. Its going to be a very intense few months but I believe that its the best that could happen to me. Hold thumbs for me 😅 because I may end up becoming a mom to a third child by the end of this year.

Thank you for reading !

You are the one that need me. I don’t need you.

Good morning my dear readers and followers!

Im writing to you from a rainy Nynäshamn in Sweden. I am a little bit nervous today as my kids are meeting some people today and I will be meeting this people on Friday 13th. Not a very good day for a serious meeting but at least I have one good news. I got hired yesterday and my salary is 16 EUR per hour. Nice! For someone without a teacher certificate. But as always there are not many people to pat my back and say that I did a great job. My ex did and my current husband. I suppose the story repeats itself. Strangers are closer than your own blood related family. Nevertheless, I am not in a place to let it take over my head. I need to be quite action oriented. The Saturn transit conjunct my natal Merc.ury is giving me trouble though. My whole body seems to be vibriting these days whenever I am tensed… anxiety I guess. Thus, I am keeping myself occupied. I have to submit my media technology thesis this Sunday. Maybe I will be doing some cleaning after I come back home with the kids in the evening. It always eases me in some way. But okay… let’s talk about that title that you got interest in and led you to read this post.

“You are the one that need me . I don’t need you.” – is what I have heard from my mother yesterday when she announced that she will no longer help me with the kids or in any other way.. Stating that I am on my own now because she is older than me and I don’t give her the respect she wants. The only thing I had to say was to her future husband “Good luck” . He will really need it because after she stops talking to us, he and his company will need to take her verbal abuse. I remember that last year or so I was the one saying that she is the one that need me. And I think that was pretty true. You can say that I am wrong. It’s okay. But that is my way of treating someone with narcissistic ways. No one protected me when I was a child and I developed anxiety which I fight to this day. I may seem cruel giving cold shoulder to the woman that gave birth to me but that is my way of protecting myself. Because I am not brainless as she always says that I am. I have my brain and heart at the right place. For me my grandmom was more of a mother than my own mother. That’s how I am good at drawing, doing all kids of crafts, sewing and I have easy time talking to strangers. My grandmom finished only 8th grade but has more logical thinking than my own mom. Thus, I will keep studying and becoming a more confident self. It will be difficult of course. No single mom has an easy life. But I definitely will find at least one good soul to help me when needed. And its not like I was needing any help after I moved from my moms house at the age of 20, 2015. My economy became worse when I moved to our current apartment in 2019, because I had two small kids, too many days filled with all kinds of baby diseases and a husband that did not want to cooperate so I could go to work.

So my dear readers if anyone is telling you that you are worthless or that you will not achieve anything without them know that it’s called gaslighting and its mental abuse which in most countries is illegal. Instead of questioning yourself , just go out for some fresh air and focus on your own goals. If you don’t have, create some. It’s always better than being in stagnation mode. I know that its difficult at times when there are too many problems to carry on your shoulders but believe me you can do it!

Take baby steps, but do it!

And if anyone talks to you about respect… Just tell them to look at the mirror.

“Respect means that you accept somebody for who they are, even when they’re different from you or you don’t agree with them. Respect in your relationships builds feelings of trust, safety, and wellbeing. Respect doesn’t have to come naturally – it is something you learn.” (kidshelpline.com.au)

Thank you for reading !