Sorry for delay. I was supposed to write 2 days ago but days are shorter and nights are longer… time is really speeding up as the sun takes over and the clouds and cold winds leave. Two days ago was a special day.
This boy —>
…turned 6 years.
Many things happened during these 6 years but he still grew up to be healthy, happy and confident together with his little brother who is his best friend and partner in crime. Since his dad moved out, Aaron became more mature and calm. He missed his dad a lot and so did Austin so we had planned to meet and spend time with kids. While waiting for this dad to arrive, we went to Mall of Scandinavia, the biggest shopping Mall in Stockholm city, positioned by the train station in Solna.
A birthday outing would not be complete without gifts and yummy food so kids went with their dad to a toy store and picked so many toys they barely could hold in their small hands. Later, we went to eat. I have not eaten anything spicy since a long time so it was really a nice change. The day ended with Aaron and Austin being happy. And I felt grateful for becoming a mom 6 years ago and to be able to see my little baby become the individual he is today.
Helloy! Hope you have a pleasant start of the weekend.
I am a little stuck somewhere between two dimensions – dreams and reality. I miss listening to music, singing and dancing. I miss all the things that once gave me joy. Putting on a brave face is not easy. Especially when you have a family that taunts you. I don’t want to put blame on anybody, I just simply want to let the frustration out. I am so frustrated that I don’t even have any strength to shout or cry. I just simply want to understand why me wanting something better for myself is so difficult to digest for others. Many peope can survive being practical but me being Pisces, practicality is just not me. I respect laws, regulations and strucutures but there is so little left of my true self. Doing what is expected by the society is very tiring.
I am thankful for all help I got these last few months…but it does not work. I need more understanding but its not easy. My family thinks I am slacking off and ruining my chances because I don’t apply to jobs which I know I will never get. For me it’s simple. Giving someone a job should not be a charity. I never studied medicine and I never thought of becoming elementary or high school teacher so obviously I don’t have a teacher license. I don’t even have a driving license and I am stuck in a black hole because that’s how Nynäshamn is perceived by people outside. I still managed to work in many places and I know I just need to cross my path with a decent employeer that will be willing to give me the responsibility and freedom to act at work which I desire.
I don’t want to be a copy of my parents or siblings. I simply want to be me and do what I love which is creating, planning, organizing, being of service, dealing with people of different ethinicites and nationalities. Self expression is important to me, I cannot do anything using only my head. My work and actions are connected to my heart. I can only succeed when I use my heart and imagination, my hands to create and the voice to speak. I feel the more I live that being my own boss would be the best options but somehow this position is still out of my reach.
Today I am all between tense to excited because I am so close to do my attempt no. 2 at media technology. Tommorow night is the deadline and I still did not do the analysis nor the conclusion or even wrote down the website evaluation but well the night is still young 😅 . Let’s cut to the chase… I devoted the weekend to my children, my beautiful and sometimes naughty gems. Last week, I have promised them to take them to the playground in Handen as they were really eager to explore new places but it was dark so I picked them up early this friday to fulfill the promise as I know how promises are important for trust between the child and parent.
They had super fun and I have promised them to take them to more places once my finances are stable. I will never be a man but I will do my best being a good mom.
Today my plan was to just study after making breakfast for the boys but instead I’ve decided to take out the alphabet memory since Aaron is letter inclined these days. Austin joined the game and in the beginning it was tough since the kids wouldn’t follow the rules of the game and even change the cards place. We probably played for around 1 hour and then repeated the words
We ended the day with letters as well, with the difference that those letters ended in our bellies 😅…
Ah… and even I got inspired and a little romantic in the process and my husband earned himself a romantic gesture from my side 🥰.
But well… time to work on thesis again 🤪… Hold thumbs for me… Media technology is a hard cookie.
Thank you for reading & wishing you a pleasant weekend !