Like a magnet

I keep my distance to stay sane

knowing I could lose myself in the intensity.

Sharing the space with you

makes me question my identity.

I lower my gaze in shyness

thinking you could hear the beat of my heart.

In the background of thousands shining stars,

my face turns redish like the planet Mars.

Dreaming about your magnetic smile non stop.

Sweet and alluring like a lollipop,

making me wanna kiss you on the rooftop.

While we stay side by side,

you expose an aura,

that awakens my inner fauna.

And even if we would be miles apart

like a magnet,

you would make me gaze at you like a piece of art.

What does it mean to live 2022 to the fullest ?

Good morning to some of you & good afternoon to some of you !

Despite a bad weather prognosis for today, the sun is shining very brightly. Two weeks ago, I made a promise to myself : ” I will end 2022 without any regrets as if it was my last year on earth“. And as always creativity is what brings joy to me the most. I feel like I’ve always underestimated my skills for a long time. And so I think I need to put an end on it now, thus this 2nd half of 2022 will be spent on writing poems, novels, manuscripts and designing. I am going to take part in certain contests related to these. One is a longer novel on the theme ” Creating the future” and the second one is a short novel on the theme of “Choice“. I love writing short because I feel the story is more magical. When text gets longer I feel like I need to fill up with something that is not necessary. Both need to be written in Swedish so its gonna take a while because I do some grammatical mistakes at times.

I really crave for having a sewing machine too 🤤. Now that I have kids, sewing costumes for them would be a great experience and so much fun. I will probably upload some more content on mine and Ahads youtube channel : Ahad & Agni : Life with a foreigner . And I will work my ass off because I want to end this year as a winner.

If there is something you are good at or maybe you just always wanted to try out because it seemed fun, I think that as long as it does not endanger your health or life you should go for it !

Thank you for reading & until later ! ❤️

Father’s love

Not experienced, yet dreamed

father’s love unfulfilled .

Emptiness echoing from the core of one’s heart.

A jar filled with hopes and wishes spilled,

difficult to put it back in one piece.

Once you’ve reached your limits of yearning,

what stays forever is a sense of mourning.

Pessimistic thoughts every morning,

being set on warning alarming.

For the times which could be beautiful,

instead painful one’s depriving you from the will to strive

for better tommorow,

for the revival of love

between the father and his child.

Thinking of the unfulfilled dreams playing up in my mind,

I smile.

What a great feeling it would be,

if my fathers love for me hadn’t died.

Close mindeness and his big pride,

too late to guide one’s set of direction in life.

Despite the disappointments,

making a find,

once the darkness becomes overshadowed by the light.

Divine father’s love,

feeding my human hungry heart.

Betrayal

Your words,

are like an invisible knife piercing through my heart.

Your actions,

restraining me from a fresh start.

Although years had passed by

I still ask in the depths of my heart ” Why?

Why did you make me cry?

Why did you leave me dry?

Why lie about gifting me the sky,

when you think the price to pay is too high?

This never ending quest for answers,

no goodbye to the memories we shared.

Only a tiny hope,

to be spared another betrayal at the love’s end.

When the sun is peeking at me outside of the window

Hello! What a beautiful Saturday we have in Stockholm. It’s 5th February and there is actually no snow outside. Winters has been short the last 4 years. Even though the world has stopped for days, months or years in many places on our planet.

And here I am enjoying a cup of coffee with milk and sugar. It’s been a while since I really could enjoy some coffee in my own company. Maybe that’s why the sun is shining, so that I could enjoy this day to the fullest, even though there are many things for me to take care of. I feel calm and ready to dig deep into the space of science and knowledge.

I do not feel anxious anymore as I felt few days ago although I still could feel at times, why try when your work will not be appreciated anyways. But I still have a slice of hope that it will not be all that bad and that I will finally reach somewhere.

In a few days is my 2nd sons birthday. When I look back those three years, I’ve grown so much, yet not many people can actually see it. Maybe that’s why I feel so happy that at least the weather is nice when I try to finish what I’ve started. I really want to move forward but I do feel like my wings are cut whenever I try to fly. Being married to Ahad I feel good, very good actually but the distance is killin… both of us actually. That’s why I want to work even harder, so maybe one day our marriage will be shining brightly like a sun.

I thought a lot about the future I want. In my imagination there is still a lot of discovery, travel, delicious food from the all corners of the world, my kids enjoying their childhood and my man being by my side and sharing those moments with me. But I’ve learned that dreams are only permanent on paper. In reality everything changes and what made you once drawn to each other, makes you feel tired. I guess even eating the same food over and over again, makes one sick so … no wonders. Yet, I still want to work hard. My kids need me to be strong, they depend on me, no matter what my condition may be, they look up to me.

And so I am actually ready for another cup of coffee with milk and sugar. Digging deeper is quite a time consuming process. But at least I will not be poor on knowledge although it cannot sustain my thirst.

Have a nice weekend !