When the sun is peeking at me outside of the window

Hello! What a beautiful Saturday we have in Stockholm. It’s 5th February and there is actually no snow outside. Winters has been short the last 4 years. Even though the world has stopped for days, months or years in many places on our planet.

And here I am enjoying a cup of coffee with milk and sugar. It’s been a while since I really could enjoy some coffee in my own company. Maybe that’s why the sun is shining, so that I could enjoy this day to the fullest, even though there are many things for me to take care of. I feel calm and ready to dig deep into the space of science and knowledge.

I do not feel anxious anymore as I felt few days ago although I still could feel at times, why try when your work will not be appreciated anyways. But I still have a slice of hope that it will not be all that bad and that I will finally reach somewhere.

In a few days is my 2nd sons birthday. When I look back those three years, I’ve grown so much, yet not many people can actually see it. Maybe that’s why I feel so happy that at least the weather is nice when I try to finish what I’ve started. I really want to move forward but I do feel like my wings are cut whenever I try to fly. Being married to Ahad I feel good, very good actually but the distance is killin… both of us actually. That’s why I want to work even harder, so maybe one day our marriage will be shining brightly like a sun.

I thought a lot about the future I want. In my imagination there is still a lot of discovery, travel, delicious food from the all corners of the world, my kids enjoying their childhood and my man being by my side and sharing those moments with me. But I’ve learned that dreams are only permanent on paper. In reality everything changes and what made you once drawn to each other, makes you feel tired. I guess even eating the same food over and over again, makes one sick so … no wonders. Yet, I still want to work hard. My kids need me to be strong, they depend on me, no matter what my condition may be, they look up to me.

And so I am actually ready for another cup of coffee with milk and sugar. Digging deeper is quite a time consuming process. But at least I will not be poor on knowledge although it cannot sustain my thirst.

Have a nice weekend !

3 thoughts on “When the sun is peeking at me outside of the window

  1. It’s great that you captured this moment in your life, because there’s something to return to on the down days. I like that you have so many dreams of the future, but we only ever exist in the ‘now’, so it’s always prudent to learn how to deal with this moment, always. Wishing you all the best!

    Like

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